Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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