I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
