He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
