I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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