Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
