That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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