Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
