every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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