Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
