needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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