the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
