Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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