I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
