so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
