One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
