somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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