Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
