I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
