then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
