i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it because I queefed?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
