i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
