I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
