I should be sponsored by Trojan
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
