dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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