If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
