I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pants are for mortals
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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