I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
