i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
