remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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