Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can text with my tongue
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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