Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
