tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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