Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
