How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
