Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
