On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize