ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
