Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
