I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
