so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
