My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
