shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
