Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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