i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
