Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
