how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
