If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
