3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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