And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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