we have officially lost it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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