this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
