It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
