Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
