Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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