the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
