You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
