good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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