it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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