Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
