What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
