He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
