Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
