you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
