For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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