her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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