I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
