That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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