y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize