When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize