i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
