Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
