why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
