I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
