my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize