It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
