3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
