literally had 100 drinks last night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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