Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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