never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
